Monday, March 27, 2017

yet another barrier to finding an "autistic girlfriend"

The problems that heterosexual autistic males have with involuntary celibacy is something that I've written about on Autism's Gadfly from time to time as my regular readers know.  It's something you usually won't hear about in any mainstream writings as the media wants to put a positive spin on this horrible disability and only promote success stories.  So John Elder Robison, Stephen Shore, and Michael John Carley and the relatively few other men claiming to be on the spectrum who have been able to marry have their books publicized while those of us less fortunate are relegated to the throw away slush pile.  But it is something that definitely exists among a number of autistic males that I've encountered in person or on the internet over the years, myself included. 

I've written previously how I felt autism has given me the gift of prophecy in that I can predict the suggested solution to this problem. "find an autistic girlfriend" is the inevitable solution. the nearly 10:1 ratio of autistic men to women in the higher functioning range (on average from various published reports) is somehow not an obstacle according to these people who give these words from the wise.  Nor the fact that of the women claiming to be on the spectrum and promote the idea of "neurodiversity" may be undesirable for those of us who find this belief appalling. Nor the preference of any number of autistic women for "normal" men and the fact some of them are able to have a "normal" boyfriend or husband. 

However, I was interested to see that there has been a  a new report recently published in the Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders showing that homosexuality and/or bisexuality may be more common in adolescent autistic women than in a control group of non-autistic women that were surveyed. Not only was there a higher rate of homosexuality and bisexuality, but a higher rate of uncertainty in attraction among the young autistic females surveyed.I have just read the abstract so far and not the entire study. It was available without being paywalled for a few days, but I've been fairly sick this past week (i'm still not whole but recovered enough to write this blog post) so was not able to read the whole study or blog about it until today and unfortunately it is now paywalled.   Apparently there has been other research to suggest this too that I was not aware of, but they cite references for the interested reader.

Aside from the extremely high ratio of mildly autistic men to women and the preference the more desirable autistic women have for "normal" men, the lack of heterosexuality in autistic women is likely yet another barrier  to "finding an autistic girlfriend"


Anonymous said...

As the saying goes, men persue, but women choose.A rather inconvient truth, but still the truth, eben if it maybe rather inpolically correct to acknowlege so.

Jake Crosby said...

What isn't politically incorrect these days?

Anonymous said...

Men pursue, the women they pursue choose from among them, and the other women whom they *don't* pursue have no men to choose from.

It's still rejection whether you're supposed to do all the asking and everyone says no or you're supposed to do none of the asking and no one asks you.

Anonymous said...

Whether or not it's politically incorrect, it's literally incorrect because *some* women *do* pursue too.

It's not an all-or-nothing thing where 100% of one gender does 100% of the asking and 100% of the other gender does 0% of the asking.

Seeing Clearly said...

If you where to ask for my advice I suggest you look for a non autistic girlfriend even if your autistic because autism by definition is a demonic disease with higher rates of gayness and atheism and leftism so unless I find a pro-cure girl if I where to ever have a girl know she will not have autism. Autism is the new 666 you can resist it or submit to it and it's not just autism that's evil it's disability in general all of the anti-cure anti-fix crap is just pure evil hope this comment survives the firey moderation judgment peace.

Anonymous said...

First of all, it's great that you're focusing on the problem being these men's behavior and your need to learn better people skills in order to get along with people!

Too many other people offer "solutions" that put all the burden on girls and women ("he has a right to have sex and if you don't let him fuck you then who will?!") no matter how turned off we are by these guys and no matter how much it *hurts* to be penetrated when one feels so turned off that her vagina is tense and dry.

These "solutions" range all the way from telling a girl or woman to say yes when guys who repel her ask her out (or else she's accused of snobbery and bigotry), to forcing a girl to marry a guy who repels her (or else her family kills her).

Anonymous said...

Leftism? Ain't no shortage of aspie-acting men praising systems that make it easier to get a wife without good social skills and harder for a girl to avoid sex once her family arranges her marriage.

You know, those old-fashioned systems where a man can show her family his math test scores, pay her family a bride price, appeal to the grandfather he has in common with her, whatever *instead* of using social skills in order to get her.

All of these systems are *conservative*. They're a subcategory of conservative systems, not all of the conservative systems.

cubeangel said...

Let me add to what you said. Have you ever heard of the Monkey's Paw. Be careful for what you wish for it may come true.

Another thing, maybe we ought to quit pursuing and start living.

Anonymous said...

"Nor the preference of any number of autistic women for "normal" men and the fact some of them are able to have a "normal" boyfriend or husband. "

Let me guess, they can dish it out but they can't take it.

Take a look at the relationships in the comments of and .

Lots of unhappy neurotypicals in relationships with aspies and autists who act like the aspie or autistic is superior and the NT partner is inferior ("And my loved ones: they love me, they love someone who happens to have Aspergers; if you had someone who loved you despite you being a complete dick then maybe you'd understand.").

When both people in a couple are autistic, how do they decide who's inferior and who's superior? How long can the one treated as inferior stay in the relationship before leaving or committing suicide?

You're right, the real solution needs to be helping autistic men and women not treat other people badly in the first place, instead of expecting people to submit to being treated badly by sex partners.

jonathan said...

Well maybe people in relationships could treat each other as equal partners

Anonymous said...

That's right!

the real solution needs to be helping autistic men and women treat other people as equal partners. :)

Anonymous said...

Did you see ??

"Whilst I agree that everyone has a right to sexual experience, everyone has a right to choose. This article implies that there is something wrong with the choices that people make. Now if someone who was disabled showed me that they could provide me with an interesting sexual experience, and provide me with stimulating companionship as well, I wouldn't hesitate to go out with them. However, I will not deny that I see many disabilities as an obstacle to a long term relationship and as an obstacle to a physical relationship.

As a woman, I want to take part in a mutual sexual relationship. If I have to do everything, I am doing nothing more than providing a service, which this article implies that these men want. I want a mutual physical and sexual relationship and I find that someone asserting his right to a sexual experience both off-putting and offensive.

Emily, United Kingdom"