Friday, April 19, 2019

a pet peeve of mine

There's a pet peeve of mine that I think of from time to time, but an urge to vent about this has come to me.  I tweeted a few tweets about it on twitter, but the character limitation and format of twitter really limit my writing about this. Facebook is another option.  But I'm pretty pissed off at FB for deleting a couple of my posts and banning my blog, so not sure I'm ever going to post anything on there again.

For this reason, I've decided to write a blog post on the subject, though I've not been blogging as much in recent years as in the past.

I'm fed up with people giving me easy/pat suggestions for what I can do to help my disability.

The first two that I've heard the most frequently I've written about previously. For those who aren't inclined to read the whole post, I'll recap.

 1. Because you get fired, tell employers about your disability. I tried it once, didn't help, I got fired anyhow.  I'm retired now, highly improbable I'll ever work again, so perhaps it's moot now, but the annoyance of having to hear this repeatedly has not gone away.

2. Because you can't find a girlfriend, find an autistic girlfriend.  No place to find one and I sure don't want a female ND. and contrary to ND mythology, there is about a 4:1 ratio of male autistics to females.  So if the girls were interested the odds would be good for them, but they're not because the goods are odd. 

In the above-linked post, I wrote that I think autism may have given me the savant skill of prophecy because I can so easily predict what people will say in response to these issues.

There are others I've heard, but not with the same frequency.

3. Try therapy.  Had 18 years of it.  Been there, done that.

4. get social skills training to enable you to find a girlfriend.  Problem is more complex than that, too difficult to explain in this blog post.

5. Go to church.  One person has told me an autistic boy whose parents have taken him to her church is doing a lot better now.  No thanks, I went to church with some people one time, took communion and it would appear I drank to my own damnation. 

6. Take SSRI drugs.  I did.  Two different ones, Prozac and Lexipro, no help there. 

7. Take Elavil to relieve depression.  This was in the mid 80s before SSRI's became available.  I'm depressed because autism has made my life so difficult, not because I have an affective disorder.

8. Go to an autistic social club to meet autistic women (I guess because I have little chance with a normal woman or I'm ill-suited for her).  Meetup shows where groups like this are.  This is a subset of item number two in the two most common suggestions I've heard.  But this means I'd have to go to the Los Angeles chapters of GRASP or ASAN and meet female ND's.  No thanks.

9. How do I expect autistic (ND) girls to like me if I'm going to have these attitudes.  I don't expect ND women to like me and if they don't it's fine with me.

10.  If I weren't such a jerk and did not talk about disgusting things like autistics who smear feces, women would not hate me so much. (this was at least by far the most amusing of the lot)

11. Get a typing tutor program so you can learn how not to make careless errors in data entry.

There are probably a few others, but I can't think of them off the top of my head.  I also think anyone reading this would get the idea by now.

I've lived with this disability for more than 60 years now.  I know what the situation is better than the person looking in, believe me.  I really resent people who know nothing about my life giving me pat advice.  There's really not a whole lot I can do about these problems.  Nothing's going to change the hopelessness of my situation and likely other DD persons who have to live with their disability.

But I know that this won't be the last I ever hear suggestions.  I'm sure I'll continue to hear the same tired old ones.  Especially the first two.  I'll likely hear a few new ones down the line also.  Just something I guess I'm going to have to learn to live with.

Thanks blog readers for allowing me to vent.


Jose Sanchez Gallardo said...

I am so sorry, I can relate, the anti-cure people are just like every other leftist group out there, it’s a regression of societies decaying morals as the Bible prophecies in Revelation, if you ever want to read about important stuff visit my website I am going to try to purchase more domain names in the future.

Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear life hasn’t been kind to you. I don’t know your financial situation and how much you need the money, I bet you could probably get a low paid menial part time job somewhere beneath your intelligence level, like helping out in a charity shop / carwash or something, but the question you would need to ask is why now, at your age and for such a lousy pay check?

If you have a purpose in life it’s probably on this blog and exposing ND for the scam it is, like your excellent spectator article. Few choose their ideal life path but it looks like this is yours, so you might as well do a good job of it, who knows you might end up inadvertently helping millions of people?

As far as the female situation I can’t help you there, apart from saying at the age of 60 most women are only really looking for companionship anyway, so if your seeking sexual fulfilment you`ve probably missed the boat I’m afraid, I would say this to a NT man let along someone autistic.

The most annoying thing about ND is they whitewash and deny a voice for the suffering of others with worse conditions than them, this rarely happens with other mental conditions. My theory is that a autistic individuals lack empathy. A NT individual being told he has a medical condition that could have left him severely mentally handicaped would prob say “my god I sure missed a bullet there, I feel so sorry for others who were less lucky, hope there’s a cure for them one day”.

The ND autistic response might be “how dare you say I’m disabled, the boy who can’t talk who`s retarded is just expressing himself differently, anyway who cares about him, when it’s all about me who`s offended!!”

Looks like you Jon and some others with autism have risen above this selfish and stupid thought process luckily for some unexplained reason.

Andrew Herbert said...

"I'm depressed because autism has made my life so difficult, not because I have an affective disorder."
This statement doesn't make sense. The depressive disorder is also caused by psychological stressors.

jonathan said...

no, clinical depression is caused by chemical imbalances in the brain. something completely different from stressors.

Anonymous said...

The existence of autism, the bad stuff that happens to people with autism, the bad acts done by a few autistic people (losing sympathy, making edgelords say "autistic people are the real oppressors!"), the lack of anyone figuring out anything clear (cause), the society built around it (both hate and pride sites, also antivax and weird mom groups), a higher prevalence than many disorders, this all is the biggest joke there is.

I get why people believe in conspiracy theories, this is just a big farce so how can it not be engineered? I wish it was, but it's scarier if it wasn't.

......I'm Anonymous said...

Love the blog post. My son could hit everyone of your points too.

I hate to change topics, but I did a search tonight for the Autism Hub. I don't see it anymore. When did it go away and do you find it ironic that it doesn't exist anymore and you still do?

jonathan said...

I have not heard anything about the autism hub in a long time. I think most of it's participants just got tired of blogging or moved onto other things, particularly Matt Carey. It's not ironic at all. I've often told myself that I would give up blogging. I got a bit tired of it myself and wanted to pursue other matters such as screenwriting, stand up comedy, etc. However, these people have brought out the worst in me. They completely control IMFAR, Autism Speaks, the Simons Foundation and the U.S. Government's autism policy, so I feel I just can't turn my back. They no longer need to blog as they've mostly won even if the war isn't completely over. So, no, I really don't find it ironic at all to tell you the truth.

......I'm Anonymous said...

I find it ironic......You are still here, still autistic, and they, the parents of high functioning kids, have left autism advocacy because their kids don't need it. They're children are shiny happy aspies or not autistic at all now.

F@ them!

Joseph said...

It occurred to me that the compatibility of autistics with autistics can be even less, kind of similar to cats with cats.

Anonymous said...

"It occurred to me that the compatibility of autistics with autistics can be even less, kind of similar to cats with cats."

Think of the relationship advice sometimes given to non-autistic partners of autistics - telling the non-autistic to shut up and suffer, put up with whatever the autistic wants to do, etc.

In an autistic-autistic relationship, which partner would these advice-givers tell to shut up and suffer?

Anonymous said...

One thing you could do when people give you easy/pat solutions for how to have sex:

Ask for their contact info.

When they ask why, tell them:

"You told me to do XYX in order to have sex. Once I do XYZ I can contact to let you know I did XYZ and then *you'll* have sex with me, right?"

If they start backpedaling and saying oh they were promising someone *else* would have sex with you once you do XYZ, point out that this someone else isn't the one making the promise.

Ari Newman said...

You're getting OLD, Jonathon. Go and have sex while you still can. There are women who would gladly screw you for money, even if you do talk too loud, and act creepy. You don't have to be an InCel all your life. Go get laid, and maybe you won't be so bitter.

Anonymous said...

"There are women who would gladly screw you for money, even if you do talk too loud, and act creepy."

Gladly? No.

There are women who would *unhappily* let you screw them for money, even if you do talk too loud, and act creepy, because they have too few other options for affording food. :(